Like A BirdPosted: December 13, 2010
3:22am. The darkness seeps into bedrooms and hallways and enters a little boy’s sleep.
Since the time he was a babe, he has struggled with the darkness. Now at eight, it visits him again while he sleeps.
I hear him crying and Husband is the first to jerk blankets back and rush to his firstborn.
I wonder at this, after things are quiet again. What grand plan does God have for his little life for him to be so troubled in his vulnerable moments?
I have a hard time sleeping after that and as I toss, I sense His Spirit awakening me to words He wishes to disciple me with. “A sense of powerlessness…” He whispers to me again and again.
I become aware of Him identifying in me just that… ways I feel powerless. Ways I don’t try things for Him because I’m not sure He is for me in the trying. Ways I fail my kids because I don’t really think I can make a difference, I’m not up for the monumental task.
The root of my powerlessness is exposed. Stinking unbelief.
I see the way powerlessness washes over me when the bickering starts and the needs and the demands and life are all coming hard and fast. I fall back on what I’ve always known: task mastering. And I’m sick with it and my stomach revolts.
Because I know Egypt’s whip is not as powerful as the Shepherd’s staff. Sure, Egypt’s whip drove and cracked and built bricks with its oppression. But Moses’ staff? Well IT PARTED WATERS.
I see that task- mastering my kids is rooted in a sense of powerlessness, and that powerlessness is rooted in unbelief. The kind of unbelief that task-masters self instead of being shepherded by the Good Shepherd.
Egypt’s whip is for the powerless and it is the truly powerful who take up the shepherd’s staff.
Words from Job wash over me and show me the path of life. “Who provides food for the raven when its young cry out to God and wander about for lack of food?” Job 38:41
I remember those baby birds. They cry for food to a God who cares and He shows their mommies where to find it for them.
Day after day.
And if God does that for the birds of the field, how much more will He do that for me and my precious babies? My babies who cry for understanding and love and guidance and nourishment and LIFE?
God has chosen me…has given me the Shepherd’s staff to give them comfort. Just like He shows the momma birds where the food hides, He will show me how to impart life to these little ones.
I’m not powerless. I am a Shepherdess who holds the power of the staff in her hands.
“God help me. Help me to lay down the task-master’s whip and take up this staff and do Your wonders.”
Littlest one cries and I go ready to shepherd…