When Life is One Big MessPosted: January 4, 2011
I’m sinking in the middle of MESS.
Littlest one has a dirty diaper. Noted.
Just let me finish wiping down the tub that hasn’t been scrubbed in…well, we won’t go there… and brush the crumbs off the couch from crackers that are suppossed to ONLY be consumed at the table, and oh, did I mention that #2 also has a diaper that needs changing?
Then I notice wet sticky on the floor and see that littlest has grabbed soup bowl off of table and carried it into living room, leaving a trail of chicken enchilda soup (yummy to eat no doubt, but really, need we track it all over the house?) for mommy to add to her to-do list.
I strip Littlest down to his (dirty) diaper and throw the clothes on the floor to pick up later- after #’s 1-8 are done on my list- just as children #2 and #3 run through the house, tramping right through chicken enchilada, determined to share it’s goodness with the bedrooms.
I sit on the floor and cry.
Is this really what my life is about? This perpetual attempt to climb out from under, to keep from plumb drowning?
“How do I do this?” I ask Him.
I see that sitting here long is more disaster in the making, so I grab a towel and, on hands and knees, start wiping up chicken. (Mopping the floors has now made my list.. I did NOT intend to add that particular to-do to the list today.)
That’s when His answer comes. “I have nothing better for you to do right now than develop humility.”
I know it is true. I need humility and I crave it because I am so full of pride and I see the effects of it in my life and in my home and I despise it in me and I’ve asked Him for the gift of humility as I start this New Year of Conquest.
His words tell me He is happy to grant and thrilled that I am finally on board with Him.
“Let him consider how all want of love, all indifference to the needs, the feelings, the weakness of others; all sharp and hasty judgements and utterances, so often excused…all manifestations of temper and touchiness and irritation; all feelings of bitterness and estrangement, have their root in nothing but pride, that ever seeks itself, and his eyes shall be opened to see how a dark, shall I not say a devilish pride, creeps in almost everywhere, the assemblies of the saints not excepted.” Andrew Murray
Oh yes, I’ve got the roots of pride that manifest in many, many ways and utterances. It pains me that as Adam passed down his nature, so I am passing mine down to little ones I long better for. So I pray for humility. Again.
Then, as little ones spill and mess and fight and resist, there it is: the answer to my prayer, the chance for humility.
I’ve felt so buried under daily life that I’ve missed what God has been up to. While I’ve prayed for character, for peace, for help, for grace, for love, for patience, for tenderness… I’ve missed what He has been trying to tell me. I’ve missed HIS agenda.
I could weep at the insight.
His agenda is humility. Humility’s fruits are all those things I’m after and if I make humility my aim, seek to humble myself when the messes come one on top of another; when the fighting starts; when little ones resist instruction; if I focus on me and my lesson-learning from Master instead, then I begin to lay hold of everything I’ve been praying for.
“Now you’re getting it!” He says.
“I have nothing better for you to do right now than develop humility.” I receive the words as a gift, mull them over and treasure them. They are life. They are peace.
“In striving after the higher experiences of the Christian life, the believer is often in danger of aiming at and rejoicing in what one might call the more human, the manly virtues, such as boldness, joy, contempt of the world, zeal, self sacrifice…while the deeper and gentler, the diviner and more heavenly graces- poverty of spirit, meekness, humility, lowliness- are scarcely thought of or valued.” Andrew Murray
And so I know. The Year of Conquest begins here, pursuing humility. I know what to focus on beyond the mess, the noise, the chaos. I know what He wants me to possess.
As I clean up soup on hands and knees, I ask for wisdom, for the eyes to see humility and its fruit and how it is to breath in me right now.
And I might even come to love these daily insignificances?…For where better to discover and develop the very nature of Christ?
Oh, and if you’re looking for me, try checking under the table. I think someone else just made the milk jug dart gun target…