He IsPosted: May 17, 2011
Tears drip down my chin and into our lunch. Oh well, they’ll never know…
A child enters the kitchen, sees me, and runs out. I hear her telling sister, “Momma’s crying again,” and they all come running.
“What’s wrong, momma?”
I draw them close and tell them, “It’s okay, sillies. Mom is just praying and a lot of times when she prays, she cries.”
It’s true. I’m not sure when it started, but somewhere along a few weeks back, something inside broke, a leaky water pump. Becoming aware of His presence and His nature in a deeper way, I am so easily undone when I tap into it throughout the day.
Mostly, I ponder the awesome character of our God. And I am grieved that I reflect so little of it. I am grieved that I know so little of it. I am grieved of all the time and resources I have wasted pursuing other “good” and “spiritual” things.
I weep broken-hearted tears.
And I pray His names, as I have been studying, digging ever deeper into His nature. Because I know the God who created trillions of stars expended no more energy doing it than it would have taken to make one.
And to this God, forgiving a rapist takes no more love and mercy than forgiving a child for slipping a quarter from her mother’s purse.
His attributes are 100% infinite and self existent. Therefore it doesn’t “cost” Him anymore to create trillions than one, to forgive heinous than “little, white” sins.
He is altogether unique, unlike any other.
So I know no matter how deep and tainted I am, He is bigger.
his grace is greater than my sin
his love is wider than my need
his faithfulness is higher than my shortcomings
his mercies are sufficient for each day
his cords of compassion can’t be broken
his spoken words never expire
This is the One who broke Himself open and poured Himself out and says to me, “Come, eat you all of it.”
So I go.